My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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