only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
