It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
