i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize