4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
