Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
