i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize