I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
