Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't notice because vodka
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
