Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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