im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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