can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
