I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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