Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize