No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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