I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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