yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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