im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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