You're completely useless in the revolution.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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