I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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