Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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