When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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