I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
third nipple confirmed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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