BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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