Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
