he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
