You just made me feel so damn special
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
