If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
