I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
