So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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