well you can't waste a boner
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
