dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
