y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
