Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You took a bar mat shot.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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