Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
