i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
