Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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