everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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