if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
