Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
