I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
