i just wanna soil my oats bro
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
