Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
