Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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