in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
