Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
