someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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