your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
