somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
