Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
