Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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