used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
