bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
