I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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