3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
