Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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