Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
