i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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