He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
