hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
