I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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