Yo dont text me then not text me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize