You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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