Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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