omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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