watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
that may or may not have been my penis.
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