he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
